


Pink Carnation

by eiranerys



Series: PT!Ken AU [5]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Baby Fic, Day 3: Motherhood, F/M, Makoto Week 2020, Post-Canon, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eiranerys/pseuds/eiranerys
Summary: Makoto is pregnant with her first child. And while she's excited to become a mother, she can't help but whether or not she'll be a good mother to her coming child. However, some reassurance comes from an unexpected source. Written for Makoto Week 2020 Day 3: Motherhood.
Relationships: Amada Ken/Niijima Makoto, Niijima Makoto & Niijima Sae
Series: PT!Ken AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1401793
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29
Collections: Makoto Niijima Week 2020





	Pink Carnation

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my Phantom Thief!Ken AU, but the only thing you really need to know is that Ken was sent to Tokyo during the events of P5 to investigate the Phantom Thieves, eventually joined them and during the events of P5, developed feelings for Makoto and started dating her.

_In flower language, carnations in general represent love. However, the pink carnation in particular, represents a mother's love._

* * *

Makoto Niijima liked to be prepared, especially when dealing with uncharted territory. She wasn't like Ren; when her friend could get away with it, he preferred to do things by the fly.

This was just like studying—though admittedly Makoto hadn't needed to take a test for years. But still! This was of vital importance.

"Did you get _more_ baby books?"

Makoto lowered one of the said baby books, resting it in her lap, to look at her husband. Ken had a plastic bag hung over his wrist, emblazoned with the logo of their favorite Chinese takeout place. He set the bag down on the coffee table before leaning down to kiss her.

Makoto closed her eyes to savor the kiss, smiling as one of Ken's hands settled against her swollen stomach, stroking it for a moment.

But then she picked up the baby book again, turning it in her hands.

"Well… it can't hurt to be prepared," she said defensively. "The time we have left just doesn't feel like enough time to prepare!"

Makoto just bit her lip. They had wanted a child for over two years now, but she still couldn't help but feel uncertain. Would she even be a good mother?

Her mother had died when she was only six, after all. The closest thing she had to a mother figure growing up was Sae and well… Sae had made her own fair share of mistakes.

Ken must've sensed something was wrong, as he frowned at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, properly seating himself next to her.

Makoto pursed her lips. Ken had always been her confidante—there were things she had told him that she hadn't even told Ren.

"Ken… do you think I'll be a good mother?" she asked in a small voice.

She didn't doubt that Ken would be a good father. Futaba and Ren had cracked many jokes about Ken acting like a dad in the past and he had always been fond of his senpais' children. She remembered feeling surprised how good he had been with Yukari-san's twin children.

She didn't want to fail her child. She wanted to be a _good_ mother.

Ken was quiet for a moment before gently tugging her into his lap.

"Of course you will," he said, the certainty in his voice taking her aback.

"What makes you so sure?" she asked. "I know that your mother was such a good mother to you… I want to be the same for our baby."

She knew how Ken held his mother in a high regard. The ninth anniversary of her death had passed just a couple weeks ago, and Ken usually made the trip to Port Island to pay respects to her on the day of her death. He didn't make the trip this year, however—he didn't feel comfortable leaving her home alone.

Ken laughed. "Makoto, I don't expect you to be like Mom. Besides, your father was an excellent father. With your line of logic, should I be worrying about matching up to him?"

Makoto felt herself flush. Sometimes she didn't know how Ken put things into perspective so easily.

"And Makoto—isn't the fact that you're worrying about being a good mother a sign that you will be a good mom?" Ken asked before giving her a reassuring smile. "A bad parent wouldn't care if they were a good parent or not. And don't forget that you've been putting yourself on desk duty for the baby's sake. And I know you _hate_ desk duty."

Makoto blinked. "Well… it's only natural. Exercise is all well and good, but I don't think running around and chasing criminals is the best thing to do right now."

"That's putting it lightly," Ken said with a wry smile before he suddenly laced their fingers together. "And don't forget Makoto—we're a team. We'll learn how to be good parents… together."

"Together…" Makoto repeated.

As if the baby heard them, she felt the already familiar fluttering sensations. Makoto looked down, placing a hand on her stomach.

"Hm? Something the matter?" Ken inquired.

"The baby is just kicking," she told him.

Ken just smiled, resting his hand over hers. "I think he's just telling his mommy that she's worrying too much."

Makoto huffed in response, giving her husband an annoyed look. " _I_ think his daddy is saying that and is using the baby as his mouthpiece."

* * *

A month had passed since Makoto's conversation with Ken. Makoto couldn't help but feel a little anxious. There wouldn't be much longer until the baby arrived. She would be entering her third trimester soon.

The baby's arrival was both terrifying and exciting to Makoto, especially with the preparations they were making.

They had finally picked out a name—Riku.

When they had gotten married, Ken had taken the Niijima surname, instead of the other way around as convention dictated. When they found out that they were having a boy, Makoto had suggested Hikaru _,_ a unisex version of Hikari _,_ Ken's mother's name. She had thought it would be nice to honor Ken's side of the family since he would bear Makoto's surname, but Ken had rejected the idea, citing that their son should have a name of his own. They eventually settled on Riku.

They were slowly accumulating supplies for Riku. Ken's senpais in particular were very _enthusiastic_ about showering them with baby toys and clothes. The nursery had a small mountain of toys already, and Makoto suspected that the pile of toys would keep growing— _especially_ after Riku was born.

Even though they planned to have the baby sleep in their bed initially, Ken had already bought the crib—though he did struggle with putting it together. He had to eventually swallow his pride and ask Ren for help.

But still, Makoto couldn't help but feel doubt, despite Ken's reassurances. Makoto wished she could speak with _her_ mother. Though she supposed she could talk to Anne… Anne had plenty of experience as a mother already after all—

Makoto was jolted out of her thoughts at the sound of knocking. She slowly heaved herself off the couch, to go and answer the door. Sae was standing on the other side.

"Oh! Sis!" Makoto's eyes went wide. "This is a surprise."

"Hello, Makoto." Sae smiled at her. "Sorry for suddenly dropping by, but I was sorting some old things and happened to find something."

Makoto blinked. That was… unexpected.

"What kind of thing?" she asked, feeling a spark of curiosity.

Then it struck Makoto that she should probably invite Sae inside. Embarrassment washed over her.

"O-Oh, sorry, Sis, I should've invited you inside sooner!"

She stepped aside, allowing Sae to come inside.

"It's quite all right, Makoto," Sae said with a smile. "How are you, by the way? I hope you're not too tired."

"It's the usual, really," Makoto said, waving her hand, before Sae helped guide her to sit at the couch.

"Where's Ken-kun, by the way?" Sae asked, feeling curious.

"He went grocery shopping. He should be back soon," Makoto answered. Then she turned to her sister. "So… what did you find exactly?"

Sae reached into her bag, drawing out a DVD disc, in a plastic sleeve. It was dated _07-25-03_.

"I found this amongst some of Mom's old belongings," she explained. "I started watching it but…"

"Started?" Makoto asked, blinking in surprise.. "You didn't watch it completely?"

Sae shook her head. "No. That's because, I saw that Mom made it for the both of us. It was shortly after the… diagnosis."

Makoto bit her lip. The topic of their mother was always… difficult to discuss, even after she and Sae started making amends. It was easier to talk about their father, since Makoto actually could remember things about him.

"I brought my laptop, so we can watch it together," Sae said softly.

Makoto blinked before slowly nodding. She couldn't help but wonder what her mother had to say in this video.

Sae set everything up, before hooking up her laptop to the TV. The graphics were almost grainy, but it made sense—it was nearly 25 years old, after all.

But Makoto's eyes were affixed on the woman on the television. Her mother was tall and willowy, much like Sae was. Her steel gray hair was tied into a messy side-braid.

"Hello, Sae and Makoto," she said, before smiling at the camera.

Then she clasped her hands together, staring at her lap.

"If you're watching this, I'm gone. The doctors say there is a chance I might survive this illness but… if that's not the case… I just wanted to have a personal message. Just between the three of us."

She then closed her eyes for a moment.

"I just wanted to say… I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm not there when you start school, Makoto. I'm sorry I won't be able to watch you two graduate from high school. Fall in love. Pursue your dreams. Get married." Her voice suddenly trembled. "I would give anything to be there…"

Makoto's eyes suddenly felt wet. She could scarcely remember her mother's voice, let alone how she was like as a person. This… This felt surreal.

"I remember the day you were born. Both of you. I remember holding Sae in my arms, feeling awed. It felt surreal to have you in my arms. This tiny baby was _mine._ After nine months of waiting to meet you, you were finally in my arms."

Then she smiled, her red eyes twinkling with humor.

"You were an occasionally difficult baby, Sae. Such a fussy baby. But you were worth every sleepless night. And I've watched you grow into a beautiful young lady. I just… I hope we will have more time together, darling. I want to watch you pursue your dreams. You'll make it far, no matter what path you choose. You have the drive and passion. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't. You can and will surpass everyone's expectations."

Sae suddenly sniffled.

"And Makoto. My baby," Mom breathed out. "I remembered how long your daddy and I wanted you. We wanted another baby for so long. We tried—for nearly two years before we were finally blessed with you. I remember crying the day I found out I was pregnant with you. You were one hundred percent worth the wait, sweetheart. I already see this spark in you… Even though I admit the idea of you following Daddy's footsteps scares me a little… I want you to always hold onto that dream. Don't let anyone ever stifle that spark, Makoto."

Makoto swallowed hard, trying to swallow the lump forming her throat.

"I can't help but feel the time ticking away… I thought I would have all of the time with you. I thought I'd get to see you grow up. I assumed that I would get to hold your babies, dote on them…" Mom then sniffed, wiping at a single tear at the corner of her eye. "And I'm sorry for that. I'd do _anything_ to be able to do that."

She then drew a deep breath.

"But I know you'll be okay. You're my daughters, after all…" Then she smiled, before placing a hand over her heart. "I love you. With all of my heart. Please never forget that."

Then the recording ended. Makoto wiped at her eyes.

"I can't believe that I hadn't found it until just now," Sae murmured.

Makoto looked at her older sister. "I'm glad you showed it me now, though," she said.

"Hm?" Sae raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Makoto looked down at her lap. "I've been feeling kinda… unsure about the baby. I wanted a baby for so long but I'm honestly scared of failing as a mother. Ken has been reassuring me, but I still… I still felt really scared of failing. I don't want my child to lack anything."

"You know I'll be there for you, right?" Sae asked quietly. "I may never had a child, but I'll support you through all of this."

"I know, Sis." Makoto smiled faintly.

It meant a lot to her, especially with how strained their relationship had been when Makoto was a teenager.

"Thank you for that. But this video—it's, I don't know. I can't explain it but I feel a little closer to Mom now."

She closed her eyes; the image of her mother's smile, the love in her eyes—it was all so clear in her mind.

"I know that I won't be perfect," she stated. "But I'm going to try my hardest to be a good mother. I have the support of everyone and… who knows? Maybe Mom is up there, watching me."

Sae just squeezed Makoto's hand, her lips curving into a gentle smile. "I like that thought, Makoto. And for the record, I think that you'll make a wonderful mother."

Makoto smiled softly. "Thank you, Sis…"

Makoto hazily opened her eyes, vaguely aware of a baby's cry.

"Makoto!"

Ken's face suddenly came into view. Makoto reached for his hand, weakly squeezing it.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Terrible," Makoto murmured.

Ken let out a chuckle. "Right. That was a silly question."

"Where's—" Makoto swallowed hard, her mouth felt awfully dry.

"Hang on, I'll get you some more ice chips."

Ken then released her hand before reaching for a bucket sitting on the nightstand. Makoto obediently opened her mouth so Ken could feed her some ice chips.

"Where's the baby?" she asked.

"The nurses are cleaning him up," he answered after setting down the bucket, before he reached out and smoothed away Makoto's sweaty bangs.

Makoto chuckled. "I must look like a mess."

"No, you look beautiful," Ken contradicted. "Tired, but beautiful."

"Liar," Makoto said with a wry smile.

"Oh, you're not tired?" Ken asked, eyebrow quirked. "My mistake."

Despite herself, Makoto couldn't help but giggle. But then, there was the sound of a throat being cleared.

"Niijima-san, there's someone who wants to meet you," she said.

She passed the bundle to Ken first, so she could arrange Makoto's pillows for sitting up. Makoto couldn't help but smile as her husband's expression softened as he rocked their son in his arms.

Once the nurse helped Makoto sit up, Ken gently eased the bundle into Makoto's arms. Makoto stared at the snoozing baby in her arms, even as her arms shook ever so slightly.

This was her child. Her son. Her baby. Makoto couldn't help but think of her mother's words, about how it felt surreal to hold Sae in her arms.

"Hello, Riku," she whispered before stroking the baby's cheek with her index finger.

Riku then stirred in that moment, blinking up at Makoto. Red eyes stared up at her, before a soft coo passed his lips. He then suddenly grasped Makoto's index finger, giving a surprisingly strong squeeze.

"I think he's happy to see you," Ken murmured, before resting a hand on Makoto's shoulder. "I guess we know which parent is his favorite already."

"I wonder where he got _that_ from," Makoto teased, glancing up at him and smiling fondly at him.

Ken just laughed. "Guilty as charged."

Makoto just looked down at Riku with a soft smile. She couldn't explain it but something just… clicked as she held him in her arms. She may not know everything there was to be a mother… but she was going to learn.

Riku deserved nothing better.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Makoto Week! While I know that Makoto has the reputation in the P5 fandom for being the Team Mom, I couldn't help but wonder if Makoto would feel insecure about becoming a mother herself. Being the mom friend to her similarly aged friends is vastly different from being a mother, and I can see Makoto worrying about measuring up.
> 
> For those of you have read my PT!Ken fic, Ace in the Hole, this is a small glimpse of Ken and Makoto's family! Riku's birthday is February 22nd, 2027. While I've kept it vague, Riku's hair color eventually matches Ken's as he gets older. I left it vague in the previous oneshot, but Ken took Makoto's last name. His family name doesn't really mean to Ken and he knows that Makoto's family is extremely important to her. So he chose to take the Niijima name.
> 
> While Riku is indeed the name of one of the KH characters, that has nothing to do with my name choice. Riku means "land". It's a tie-in to Amada, which has the kanji that means "field".


End file.
